Question (Relationship advice)

[Kaydon]

How would you feel if a "friend" who happened to be the cousin of a girl you're trying to establish something with, goes and tells her that you're bad news?

Family relation nonsense aside.

[Alexires]

That's pretty harsh really. I had some "friends" that did that. They told a girl I was seeing that I was bad news, and she broke up with me. Pretty shattering experience.

About your problem, there are so many variables, but this is how I see it. If someone told me that someone I knew (and was interested in) was bad news, I wouldn't give a shit. Even if they were related to me, I wouldn't care. Interested is interested.

There is nothing that you can really say. You are at quite a disadvantage, but the best thing to do would be no to get too defensive about it. By getting angry, or doing anything vengeful you just reinforce what he said. I would bide my time, and if she turns stone cold towards you, she probably wasn't worth it if she can just change her opinion of someone based on another persons advice.

If she wasn't interested in you in the first place, I don't think it is worth it. Just hang around and see what happens. Take no revenge on your "friend" until later. Revenge is a dish best served cold and all that.

To the question, I would feel very pissed off. Very. But doing anything would be bad for your situation. If you have nothing to lose (she isn't ever going to be interested now, and he can't be of any use to you) then revenge is a salve for the soul. Go for it. Kick his ass down physically, or if you are more of the plotting type, sit back and sabotage any relationship he EVER tries to have.

[Rbick]

Well, it depends. Are you in fact "bad news"? I'm not assuming anything, but if you're trying to start a relationship so you can get in her pants, then chances are this guy will have the upper hand. If your reasons are true, honest, and you want to start a real relationship, then this guy is a dick.

The best way to handle this would be to let your actions speak louder than your words. When reacting to what he said, don't become angry and lash out, that certainly won't get you anywhere. Don't be sarcastic and don't overreact. These types of reactions feed the fire. Diffuse the situation with calmly explaining yourself to her as to why he is in fact wrong. Explain how you will prove it through your actions, and then be patient.

To him, sit him down and be direct. Don't beat around the bush, just sit him down and explain to him why he is wrong and how you were offended by his actions. If he trys to get physical with you, kick his ass. It was self defense. ;)

I know it sounds like you have to be a pussy, but somtimes you just have to humble yourself and go for it. Believe me, I'm married. If shes not worth all this trouble, than she probably wasn't worth it in the first place. Good luck.

Dr. Phil

[Charles Owlen Picket]

Won't we need to actually define "bad news"? If someone say is a member of PETA and you hunt....you're "bad news": yes? I would guess that would be the take on it.... I don't know if this forum is the best place to get relationship advice but it seems pretty fun to take a break from discussions of combing one's hair with TATP to get it into an office.

I am also married (for quite some time however so it's been a REAL long time since I dated) and actually I think EVERYONE in any relationship will have someone, somewhere speak against them to some degree. To expect otherwise is to assume that everyone would believe that YOU are a wonderful person. I don't know about anyone else but I don't think you can be cognizant and functional without expressing an opinion: thus taking a stand.
Once you do that you incur the wrath of those who hold opposing views. So everyone (some may, but not everyone) you meet in life will not approve of you IF you are a functional human being. It's a simple reality of existence.

NOW, if you are speaking to the issue of having someone express an opinion as to you're appropriateness to the end of ruining your chances for happiness; that person who you are dating would have to be pretty easily swayed to change due to some wonder-speak (wunderspreken = words of wisdom, etc).

[Kaydon]

I appreciate all the advice fellas. I was unsure about posting the thread, thought I might get laughed at. Hahaha, y'all are better than that though.

But, it's doomed. Backstabbing motherfucker has convinced most of her family that I'm evil. For something that happened 10 years ago. She doesn't want to break up but she doesn't know how we'll work around them, and neither do I.

For the record, I'm not bad news.

[Alexires]

Kaydon - You are with her? Shit that changes everything.

Getting around the family hating you is kind of hard. But as I tend to say, who are you dating? Her family or her?

Fuck her family. Who gives a shit what they say? Anyway, you have one of the most potent weapons for your side.... her.

She has just about/more chance of changing her families opinions as the cocksmudge that made them sour in the first place.

She will do more for your cause than any other at this stage.

It isn't doomed. That's just bullshit. She is alive, you are alive. Nothing is doomed until one of you die. Then it turns into Romeo and Juliet, and you are both fucked. But until then, you are cool *grin*.

Just relax into things. If she wants to see you that badly, then her family isn't going to stop her. Treat her right, and she will change her parents opinion of you (hopefully).

[Secong Nature]

Well revenge is out of the question now, at least while you are with her anyway.
You will be bad news to someone at all times, if her family are Catholic Multiculturalists then you are very bad news.
If you can find out why they think you are bad news then attempt either to change your actions or their opinions.

[Hitech_Hillbilly]

Well, you might as well as give us some idea of the thing that happened 10 years ago (you can make it general enough to give us the idea without giving away your identity). And did he give the family specifics, or just say you were bad news?

One way you can spin it is by putting it down to youth. Say you were a little "wilder" when you were younger; that you've grown up since then. Many people can appreciate and accept that, especially if you don't act like a horses ass everywhere you go.

[Kaydon]

She couldn't handle it. We broke it off. Oh well I suppose, plenty of fish in the sea as they say.

I used to get into fights, I didn't (and still don't) take shit from people. But I don't go smacking women around so I don't know what my former friends problem is. I'm no leather jacked tough-guy. I've given and taken beatings. Meh. It's ancient history. I tend to avoid confrontation these days. I can't afford going to the hospital.

Not sure if I want revenge or not.

[Alexires]

Sorry to hear that mate. Perhaps it is for the best. There are plenty more fish in the sea, if that is what you want.

Sometimes I think NBK was right when he said women are more trouble than they are worth.

[-=HeX=-]

Nbk once said: 'love is like a hammock, suspended over a sit of bungi sticks... Great while you are in it, hell when you fall out. Therefore it is good to go near the hammock, but to get in is to enter a world of pain' or something to that effect. He was right.