Okay, there are a lot of solvent systems to choose from... and a lot of adsorbants.... silica gel, talc, fine ground activated charcoal, diatomaceous earth (celite), molecular sieves, aluminum oxide, magnesium oxide, magnesium sulfate, sodium bicarbonate, starch, sucrose. But you must select your adsorbant based on what you're separating. And yeah, there's a ton of solvent systems you could use... hexane (or other light hydrocarbons), toluene, dcm, ethyl acetate, ethanol, methanol, acrylonitrite, water... (basically any two solvents, one more polar, one less polar...) but that depends on your adsorbant and on what you're trying to separate.
But I still say performing column chromatography is nearly beyond most clandestine bees... unless of course, they've got real TLC plates (not homemade ones), good adsorbants, quality solvents and a reliable detection method (preferably UV light or iodine). You've also got to have a rack of test tubes, an appropriately-sized column...
Have you ever seen how slowly a solvent will drip thru a column without either using suction or pressure? It's rather slow. I wouldn't think it possible, but I'll take your word for it.
Your view is interesting Osmium, I just happen to disagree with you.