Thanks for posting these! Here is one of my all-time favourite Hive posts,":You Know You've Been Thinking About Drug Synthesis Too Much When...# - maybe even includes posts from bee refugees trhat have come here.. Will post more threads when have worked out which others I arent included in hive archive that is already online.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much when you finish
cooking pasta for dinner and think, "all I have to do now is the workup and
the product will be ready for consumption." This actually happened to me
this evening. The insolubles were filtered, washed with H2O, and treated
with warm sauce. Bioassay indicated a quality product. :-)
---------------------------------------------------------
At least you were awake for that one . I've been known to wake in bed with
a jolt , quite convinced of being at a crucial stage of some mysterious
process , and the momentary panic of my empty hands indicating that I
dropped something .
I often catch myself while measuring liquid ingredients when cooking food,
and I hold up the measuring cup against the light, to check that I got
exactly the right amount
---------------------------------------------------------
I get critizied by friends for whipping out the graduated cyl. for acurate
martini's.
50 mL Good Gin
20 mL Good Dry Vermouth
15 mL Olive 'Juice'
3 2cm diameter Olives
= bad ass martini
---------------------------------------------------------
Say, how many other people out use their beakers and Erlenmeyer flasks as
drinking glasses?
---------------------------------------------------------
I've been using big beakers for my protien blending since day one! I just
mark the cups for home use. It's hard to find good size home glassware
sometimes.
One day, my kitchen will have a 'lab' theme with all pyrex shit and a UV
light for sterilization. A Labconco glassware cleaner for a dishwasher or
even an autoclave! Four hotplates on a table for my stove...
---------------------------------------------------------
I've been known to reflux strong vodka and jell-o mix to make jell-o shots...
they just don't turn out right otherwise (either you lose a lot of alcohol
making them or the gelatin doesn't dissolve all the way and you get a
disgusting, two-layered product).
---------------------------------------------------------
You know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much, when...
...you're beginning to wonder how to renew old industrial contacts you lost
touch with, twenty years ago...
...you go shopping, and have to force yourself not to linger with moist
eyes over the aquarium supplies, cold remedies, paint section, pool
chemicals, smoking supplies, and spices section...
...you're toying with the idea of designing something to christen
"Jonimitchelline"...
...you find yourself _really wishing_ you had things like
1-chloro-2,4-dinitrobenzene, cyanidin chloride 3-rhamnoglucoside,
5,6-dimethylbenzimidazole, and rhododendrin...
---------------------------------------------------------
.....You distribute chemicals all over the house, so no two precursers are
in the same room
.....You rearrange the locations everytime the UPS man comes by
.....You set your alarm to get up every two hours to check on a 24hour reflux
....You have more than 6 bottles of unmarked chemicals
.....You think of new sythetic routes as you are romancing your girlfriend/wife.
---------------------------------------------------------
A good point was made not to get too used to drinking out of beakers. For
that use, Corning makes a large beaker with a handle on it for just such
purposes. Of course, one could also mark one's 'kitchenware' so as to
separate it from lab glass. A really nice way is to make a stencil of a
flower, herb duckie or bee out of dental wax and etch it into the glass
with a little HF. Too much time in the lab?
Ok, OK, you know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much when:
--At dinner you serve the salad dressing in a sep funnel.
--You can't look at black pepper without thinking of piperidine.
--When the coffee is perking, you refer to it as 'still refluxing'.
--When the crank supply is dry, you whip out some Zip-Strip and extract the
caffeine from the box of stale tea bags in the cupboard.
---------------------------------------------------------
You know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much when:
--you go to the grocery store and ask for a MSDS for your first-aid
purchases so as to look "legitimate", not like some suspicious "punk off
the street."
--you have a Pavlovian drooling response every time you smell Et2O.
--you look at your food and think about how much tryptophan, phenylalanine,
and glycine there is in it, and wonder how difficult it would be to extract
it out.
--you know where every source of essential oils is in a 50-mile radius.
--every time you travel past an oil refinery, you think "those fools! If
only they were using they used that equiptment *PROPERLY*, they'd be ruling
the world by now!"
--you can't look at a single chemical product at the store without
envisioning at least two or three alternative uses for it.
--every time you fill up your car you think "man, if only someone had taken
the time with that benzene, somebody could've MADE something of it."
--you can differentiate most common organic solvents from each other merely
by the smell.
--the thought of DMSO on a saturday night brings a mischievious, yet
worried, grin to your face.
--you use acetone to wash your household dishes.
---------------------------------------------------------
Well I guess the shoe fits, I *CAN* differentiate MeOH, EtOH, Isopropanol,
acetone, Et2O, Toluene, Xylene, heptane and MeCl2. It's actually a useful
skill, not just when you forget to label untold flasks in the garage, but
especially when someone asks "how do I remove (usually an adhesive)". One
just sniffs the tube of substance junior squirted on the couch and
immediately exclaims "aha!, do you have any nail polish remover(or other
applicable household version of solvent) around", and your nose and
chemical expertice make ya out to be a genius in the eye of the commonfolk.
Oh, as a matter of fact I *DO* degrease my dishes with aceton. Makes a
great stove & counter wipe, too. Keep it on the counter on one of those
nifty plastic squeeze bottles.....
YKYBTAD synthesis too much when:
--You say grace at the thanksgiving day table and include thanking the lord
for the tryptamine you are about to recieve.
--Everytime you see a stop sign you see a benzene ring. Moments later you
disappontedly realize it is only cyclo-octane.
--When at the beach in summertime, instead of bikini-watching, you look at
the seaweed and wonder just how much of it it would really take to extract
an ounce of iodine.
--Just reading the ingredients in PVC pipe cement gets you a little wired.
--You always keep some cinnamon candies handy for friends who forget their
allergy medicine, just so when it provides a bit of relief you can answer
that cinnamon contains a compound similar to Sudafed.
--After not reading the Hive for a few months, you spend countless hours
pouring over every post, only to feel such a crash when it's all been read
that you stay up all night flipping from message board to message board
waiting for someone to post.
--When at a museum or opening, you read the details of every black-and
white photo to see if it's a palladium print.
--You switch from a card-carrying no-coke, pepsi-drinker to an any
brand-as-long as-it's-rootbeer drinker.
--You insist on naming your first child Ethyl, then almost get divorced
over your spouse not letting YOU give the kid a middle name.
--When driving, you can tell a catalytic converter from a muffler in the
road half a mile away.
---------------------------------------------------------
You know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much when...
--every time you hear the word "animation", you want to correct the person
who said it.
--every time you hear of a chemical accident, you wonder in the back of
your head (1)if they might have accidentally missed a bottle or two (for
you to pick up later), and (2) how you can get one of those snazzy jobs
picking up free bulk chemicals.
--when seeing a junked car, you wonder how many kg's of material one could
reduce if you stripped the aluminum off and shredded it. Same goes for soda
cans, suburban track housing, motor homes, etc...
--hearing "chemistry is so dry and boring" makes you laugh hysterically at
the poor fool who said it.
--you've every stripped a computer for its magnesium (for those who don't
know, many computer's inner chassis are made of solid Mg ...a fine thing to
be aware of for all you Grignard fans.)
--your houseplants die from the fumes you create.
--you have t-shirts from Acros, Sigma-Aldrich, RBI... and you wear then
when you want to impress people.
--something about the "Home Depot" advertisements on TV makes you
automatically think about drugs and wonder when they're going to get shut
down.
--you've ever looked at your car's battery and wondered how many moles of a
given nitrostyrene or ephedrine it could reduce (you've really been
thinkning about it too hard when you actually know the answer.)
--when you hear someone talk about lab safety, you laugh dismissively.
---------------------------------------------------------
You know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much when...
...you find yourself wanting to tell all of your friends and loved ones
about this thread because it's the funniest thing you've read all year, but
then realize dissapointedly that they probably wouldn't find it as funny as
you do or even understand it. So you just think about it and chuckle to
yourself again.
---------------------------------------------------------
You know youv'e been thinking about drug synthesis too much when your lady
says "can we talk about something else ? "...... and nothing comes to mind!
---------------------------------------------------------
You know you've been thinking about synthesis too much when:
- someone offers you some almonds & you feel sick to your stomach...
- you're stuck in traffic, you notice the car in front's numberplate as a
molecular formula...
- you think about extracting indole from shit...
- you smell cut grass & think of phosgene...
---------------------------------------------------------
YKYBTADSTMW-
- You notice that the majority of your cups, saucers, and glasses have
little stickers on them with their exact weight in grams incase you have to
weigh their contents.
- You keep asking your freinds to come round, telling them its an
emergency, just to ask them if they could smell anything funny on the way
in.
---------------------------------------------------------
...you'd rather stay at home on Saturday nights, so you can sit through an
entire hour's worth of COPS, hoping that maybe this episode you'll see a
lab bust go down...
...you can never drive by a field of row crops without looking to see if
they've got a tank of anhydrous NH3 lying around...
...you notice with horror that your IP address routinely appears in the
Most Frequent Accesses by Host section of the Lycaeum stats page...
...you TRY to watch out for cars whenever you go on a bike ride with your
wife and kids, but instead you spend most of your time scanning the
roadside for discarded flare caps...
---------------------------------------------------------
This thread is the funniest of all time!
YKYBTADSTMW...
...you feel superior to most people because they stir thier pasta while
it's boiling and you stir yours with a giant stir bar.
...you mount a reflux condenser in the lid of your pot because you're tired
of the pot boiling over or boiling dry whenever you steam your veggies and
chicken.
...you develop a taste for the smell of ethyl ether and warn your friends
not to smoke in your car or roll up the windows because you dip your rear
view mirror air freshener in ether everyday; you use it as cologne and
you're peeved it doesn't last long enough.
...you're dying to talk to your chemistry professors about drug synthesis
but wouldn't dare.
...you're wife complains that you spend more time with your 'friends' at
the hive than you do with her.
...instead of concentrating on lectures in class and taking notes, you
daydream about the day you're able to synthesize one big batch of metyl
fentanyl and wonder how you're gonna spend your fortune.
...while on vacation you're tempted to go to a terminal and post a
non-hypothetical experience and tease the DEA and tell them to fuck off.
---------------------------------------------------------
You know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much when:
--When you learn that most opiates are excreted as morphine in the urine,
you immediately begin stockpiling your pee in one-gallon jugs.
--The only non-synthesis thought to enter your mind on a daly basis is the
fantasy about a Hive convention.
--You try to figure out how to configure your computer to automatically
track the palladium commodities market and prompt you when the price
changes more than $5 an ounce.
--In your copy of D.Gold's book Cannabis Alchemy, the pages about
construction of a giant reflux apparatus out of two 55-gallon drums are
faded, tattered and glued with spunk.
--You remove the jacket from your chemical dictionary and replace it with
one from The Holy Bible.
--ALL of your friends now know that Nissan switched to platinum in its
catalytic converters this year due to the instability of the
Soviet-controlled palladium market.
--You write to spice manufacturers for an MSDS, hoping it will reveal the %
by weight of the good constituents.
--You don't have to think these things up.
---------------------------------------------------------
YKYBTADSTMW-
Different-labeled jars, filled with the various products of your fuck-ups,
are sitting around the house awaiting performance of a "recovery process,"
at any given time.
---------------------------------------------------------
...you can't wait until you get a question on a chemistry synthesis quiz
where you need to answer how to oxidize an alkene to a ketone and want to
write an essay on variations of the Wacker even though it wasn't in your
text.
...you don't study for a chem quiz but get the hard questions by answering
with exotic reactions you've learned from the Hive and when the prof marks
it wrong, you have to get the refs to prove yourself.
...you're in the school lab and feel like telling the lab supervisor about
all the shortcut hacks you know.
...and instead of reducing something the way it's supposed to be in the lab
experiment, you wonder if you can bring in some sodium cyanoborohydride and
use it.
...when your wife tells you to clean up some kind of stain in the house,
you try to figure out what solvent will work best and refuse to use
'normal' household cleaners.
---------------------------------------------------------
YKYBTADST much when:
--You nuke a major city just to protect your lab.
--you come back from a successful fishing trip and your spouse doesn't
notice the smell
--Everytime you go into a bathroom and the vent fan comes on, you wonder
how many CFM it pulls.
--You watch reruns of The Muppet Show just to see the character "Beaker".
---------------------------------------------------------
YKYBTADSTMW-
You stop buying lighters and instead purchase matches so you can save the
RP from the strike pad for possible future use. When you see discarded
empty matchbooks lying around somewhere, you pick them up (if you can do so
w/o arousing suspicion) to add to your collection.
---------------------------------------------------------
This is terrible... A good lot of the stuff you've written above has
actually happened to me...
I've also made experiments on how to brew the
perfect cup of tea, varying the amounts of tea, sugar and brewing time,
using a 250ml beaker and a mag-stirrer
---------------------------------------------------------
You know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much when...
- You go to a hospital, and a wierd doctors it there, while in treatment,
you keep thinking the RXN he just handed you is a vial of LSD.
- You wonder if there is a drug that would allow you to taste all of the
other types of drugs out there at any time.
- You get paranoid just thinking about thinking of drug syntheses
---------------------------------------------------------
YKYBTADSTMW...
...you feel stupid when your washing your car windows with Windex that
someone paid five bucks for because you can make gallons of it for less
than a buck and then laugh at the people who think there's no money in
chemistry.
You know the dea is out to getcha when... AND, YKYBTADSTMW...
...you see a dude sitting in a car half a block from your house with his
side view mirror mysteriously angled for a perfect view of you.
...you have strangers calling your cell phone asking you for drugs.
...you have people knocking on your front door asking you for drugs.
...you have strangers asking you if you know where they could get thier
hands on drugs.
...every time you order anything to a mailbox, it never makes it.
---------------------------------------------------------
You know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much when...
...you don't even need to think about it; if you ever wanted to synthesize
drugs, you could do it all by memory-no refs, no JOC's, nothing.
...your hypothetical clandestine lab is in the penthouse of a skyscraper
and you took classes in hangliding so you could rig up a hanglider and be
ready to fly when you see your building surrounded by the DEA and HAZMAT
---------------------------------------------------------
". . .when. . ."
---stranded in a life raft in the ocean, surrounded by schools of great
white sharks, you see a search plane overhead but refuse to strike a flare
because you feel it would be a waste of red phosphorous.
---you cannot drink Amaretto flavoring without the thought that you are
drinking benzaldehyde {this is actually true for me].
---------------------------------------------------------
You know you've been thinking about drug synthesis too much when...
You read the posts here and agree they are true.
---------------------------------------------------------
"...when"
You edit the posts from The Hive and send them to your O-chem teacher,
because you just have to share them with somebody...
(this thread...)
---------------------------------------------------------
...you see your o-chem lab macroscale apparatus and they look like
microscale and their mircoscale look like nanoscale.
---------------------------------------------------------
stay worried about your distillation setup, particularly when your out
shopping and hear fire trucks.
---------------------------------------------------------
1) Somebody is using furniture stripper, and you say "That smells like
Dyke..." suddenly realising nobody else knows Dyke is a lab expression for
DiChloroMethane.
2) You have more references regarding illicit chemistry than for your
research degree.
3) You seriously consider how hard it could be to get a license to work
with Schedule 1 substances.
4) You would rather try a new synthetic route than go out on a Saturday
night.
5) You have to make cunning excuses to the people working in your lab as to
why you suddenly need Piperonal and LiAlH4.
---------------------------------------------------------
YKYBTADSTMW...
*When filling your gas tank, friends tell you "don't stand so close to the
fuel pump; you don't want to breath in those fumes!", and you laugh.
*you find the smell of methylamine sexually arousing
*You've ever thought of stripping the catalytic converter out of your car
"just for a little while"
---------------------------------------------------------
...when
"What do you mean, you drank 3 pints of IPA?!?"
<30 seconds later>
"Oh, you mean India Pale Ale..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Spending Friday night purifying 4L of ether instead of going out and
getting laid!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- When you spend time inventing wierd animal usernames like psychokitty,
NITROSQUIRREL, or azido-moo-moo . . .
-- When after checking your stash to find it empty, your new past-time
becomes consuming left-over filter-paper chewing . . .
-- When anyone asks about something related to the composition a typical
household cleaning item, you engage in a long diatribe -- and then, as
they leer at you suspiciously, insist "No, really, I swear. It's common
knowledge".
-- When you wonder if the ammonia you can smell in the kitty-litter you're
about to dump in the trash is going to spell the end of your operation...
-- When you have no fear of tasting just about any white residue on a plate...
-- When you've been away from the lab too long and miss the smell of that
good 'ol hydrogen cyanide . . .
-- When you have to wonder everytime you drink from the jug of distilled
water in the kitchen if it isn't unlabeled 10% HCl instead.
-- When you have to think twice about eating your frozen taco rolls in the
freezer that in the past has tasted like the toluene you put in a jar
there once in an attemt to crystallize your honey . . .
-- When you find yourself, without even giving a second thought, verifying
the authenticity of your final product, regardless of what it looks
like, using the typical taste test . . .
-- When you find yourself typically deep in thought, and just so you don't
sound redundant, lie, when asked by your friends and family the question
"So what's on your mind?" . . .
-- When you suspiciously inspect the almost emty wine bottle which you were
about to kill, only to discover that in it is about 200 ml of an 8M
solution of chromic acid that at one time you needed to stash in an
emergency . . . Yeesh! (True story)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
How about when you go x-mas shopping and every store you go into you
suddenly find your self gravitated towards the solvents or medicines or
poolsupplies and you wind up not getting what you came for because you
suddenly had a brainstorm that left you darting for home depo.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
* You have to get new carpet installed in your bedroom because of various
'spots,' brown ones, yellow ones, and places where only the carpet
skeleton underneath remains.
* The cashier crew at your Wal-Mart knows all about the horrible disease
your family of twenty has, where everyone suffers from chronic allergies
and sickness, and you're just there to buy more medicine for them.
* The local health food store employees know that you will head directly to
the essential oils section as soon as you walk in the door to see if that
bottle of sassafras oil you special-ordered has come in yet.
* You get excited when you receive a package in the mail, with no return
address.
* You go through as much air freshener per week as you do milk.
* You have to stop on the side of the road whenever you pass a cow field.
* You wonder how many goldfish it will take to make 10 grams of variously
substituted amines.
* You look at every large round object and just imagine what it would look
like if it were glass and had a condensor attached.
* You know the owner of the coin shop and the cashiers at Radio Shack.
* You like to frequent college campuses, particularly builings with lots of
pipes sticking out of the roof.
* You can turn to a page of synthesis of ketones in your Organic Chemistry
book in the dark, behind your back.
* You wonder just what to do with all of the coke bottles laying around,
filled with yellowish-orange liquids, usually in two layers.
* You forget what it was like to have 8 hours of sleep per night.
* Your bedroom light is only off during the day. It stays on all night,
because you're too tired to turn it off, after you doze off under piles
of paper and heavy books.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-- You're favorite new rock 'n roll band is called "The Methyl Group"...
-- You're tempted to feed about a gallon of nutmeg oil to your little
sister's rabbit, and then collect its urine (got this idea from a report
Shulgin made about MMDA) . . .
-- You've watched the movie "Deep Cover" about a thousand times . . .
-- You've often thought about Strike's gender, and have assumed that if he
is a gay male, then you really should be calling him "Thwike" . . .
-- You long for the day when Worf on Deep Space Nine is going to ask for
MDMA, 120mg, instead of his usual rhaktagino (spelling?) . . .
-- You contemplate dressing up as a bee for halloween, but change your mind
for fear that the feds might recognize you . . .
-- You have appealed to accomplished engineers the world over to create a
weapon of peace: The "Ecstasy Bomb," to be dropped on Iraq . . .
-- You find yourself often pretending to be on ecstasy by inducing
artificial shutter-vision (nystagmus) using your eyes . . .
-- You're the only person you've met that thinks that MPTP must be worse
than death . . .
-- You often wonder how easy it is to get sassy in the former Soviet Union...
-- You dream that some day soon, two cities ANYWHERE in Brazil that
specialize in producing Brazillian sassy, will the next home base of the
Cali and Medellin cartels . . .
-- You often find yourself, when buying just about ANY essential oil, ready
to punch the herbal-store clerk's lights out when she asks you "What are
you going to use this for?" . . .
-- You find yourself in the appliance section at Sear's checking to see if
any of the microwaves they sell are monomode and have a thermometer jack
installed in them . . .
-- You often dream (wish) you had a time machine so . . .
1.) You can travel back sometime between 1980 and 1985 so that methcathinone,
MDMA, MDcathinone, 4-Methylaminorex and numerous other compounds can
become your new best friends . . .
2.) You can travel back to when Jeff Jenkins was about to be arrested so
you can tell him "Shut your mouth, get a lawyer, and tell these fucking
pigs 'Go get a warrent'" . . .
3.) You can travel back to when A.D.C. was popular and arrange to meet Yogi
Shan so that you can KICK THE SHIT out of his fucking narco-chivato ass...
3.) You can travel back to 1985 when Ephedrine mini-thins were totally
legal so that you can call up one of the companies that sold them and
order about a ton . . .
4.) You can travel back to 1988, and order from Aldrich their "fine
chemical" a-methyl-tryptamine, in about, oh, say, a two-ton quantity...
5.) You can travel back to the day Jeff Jenkins was about to go to jail so
that you can ask him "What the hell did you use all that THF for?
"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
