what's more difficult than overcoming a past ---- addiction?

the alchemist · Wed Jun 29, 2005 5:52 am

... staring at a rather large bottle of reagent grade psudoedrine base, a 3/4 full tank of anhydrous NH3 and a very long coil of Li wire in mineral oil.

I totally have had the devil/angel thing going on for quite some time. I keep trying to find excuses of when I could make use of a substance of this sort again. I go back and forth and tell myself that this substance can't be used as a tool and that it only leads to a place where you didn't really enjoy. I even weighed out 3.5 g of starting material just to tease myself and have been too scared to fuck with it. I tell myself that my willpower has matured over the years and that I'll control it.

I guess I'm posting this in the health forum as a confession of my onoing mental battle. Laughing

Maybe this simple molecule would be useful at some of those rather long and droning conventions and seminars? Can crystal methedrine be used once or twice a year to improve alertness? Doesn't the neurotoxic crash from just one single use negate the performance/alertness/memory enhancing abilities of the drug? Should one just stay the fuck away from something that has been associated with a troublesome (yet fun) time in their lives?

the alchemist

biobrew · Wed Jun 29, 2005 6:52 am

If you're in this much of a debate already, IMHO, take your gains and cash out. Some people can handle it a couple times in their life, bit i've seen tooo many family members who have not been able to recover. I have much respect for those bees that can control their shit.

looking back, it's been 6 years for me and once in a while i get that tingling feeling, but then i think what good ever really came about besides a few good times and a lot of fake friends. I am not flamming ANYONE HERE, but these were just some of my experiences.

Sorry to be a hippy, but meditating on a beach in thailand brings me more peace than (most) substances Wink

Boredom sucks, but who said life was easy.

biobrew · Wed Jun 29, 2005 6:58 am

PS....I think this is a great taboo subject here, since synthetikal doesn't really focus on methedrine like some other sites. People seem to find it as "bringing down their high," but the debate that ensues will last for years. Maybe this should be the "finding happiness" thread--whether or not that means using methedrine.

Whatever.....just my two cents......

DjTime · Chemical Dj

Damn bro i can feel your pain from here. That shit is just taunting, and torturing you. Leave it be man. "You gotta know when to fold em` Know when to hold em`, Know when to walk away......" It cant be more simply put brother. I hope that you find inner peace with that nasty little devil. The only thing I can say that may be more difficult than overcoming a past M**H addiction, is overcoming a new one. I'll tell you what I did one time that was hard to do but I've never looked back on it. I used to do some shit that wasn't right, and in the midst of a high gone bad. I realized how much shit this stuff never did for me, and how much it hurt my realtionships. So as I was peaking I promised that as soon as i was capeable of it. I was going to run upstairs, grab my stash, and throw that shit down the drain. And when I did it, it's like my soul was revived man, like a new day had come. I kicked that shit hard to the curb and told it to fuck off as it was swirlin down the drain. Anyways. Take from that what cha want. But i'll pray for ya if ya need it man. If you know it's gonna get the best of you then destroy it now before it starts to grab at you. Live life like ya mean it man, not in chains of a drug if it makes you unhappy. Peace Out.....

Richy · Wed Jun 29, 2005 3:45 pm

IMO, methedrine cannot be used constructively/recreationally, because the brain does not respond to this chemical as a recreational substance. Use taps into the brains reward system and using inevitably becomes the sole most important activity the user can partake in. Anyone who has suffered in the the past as a result of methedrine abuse and has been clean for X period of time, but now believes that they can approach use with a sense of 'maturity' is suffering denial.

Music, sex, psychedelics and self-discovery are far more worthy pursuits.

the alchemist · Wed Jun 29, 2005 7:45 pm

Yeah man... big up on all the support. I feel that I have come a long way these past years and the euphoria I experience now is more profound than the ones from "masking" drugs. Cannabis is a daily thing but doesn't mask how I feel. It only allows me to slow down and process in a meditative state.

There are those times when I think I get a little manic and the addiction to synthing something up becomes very profound. It is almost an addiction to the synthesis more than to the substance itself. Methoxylated amphetamines are about all this bee can tolerate.

Everyone has their one great struggle (or a few) with theeir ego in this life... It feels really good to have this community back. It is like our Sangha... Smile

iodide · Wed Jun 29, 2005 8:56 pm

I am trying to see your point, however to say that "Cannabis is a daily thing but doesn't mask how I feel. It only allows me to slow down and process in a meditative state" is a bit naive.

It is probably one of the broadest intoxications out there - hearing, vision, thought process, and emotion - all are affected to a great extent. I would venture to say that it is more of a "masking" drug than methedrine.

I don't disagree that it may be a beneficial chemical for you, and that you find yourself to be a better person for it. But, it's hardly non-masking.

I completely, however, relate to your "manic" desire to synth. Though I'd never synthesize anything, I find myself obsessed with the beauty and marvel of chemistry than with the possibility of creating the end product. In fact, the psychoactive end product of these reactions only serve as a means to inject more marvel into the chemistry, namely reading in disbelief at how otherwise disparate, lifeless, and poisonous chemicals come together to produce a chemical capable of subtly but powerfully altering our mind.

I won't ever synthesize these chemicals (if for no other reason than not having the desire to break the law), but I take great and immense joy in knowing how to. Does that make sense?

the alchemist · Wed Jun 29, 2005 11:30 pm

I know exactly what you mean. Knowing how to synth mind-altering compounds can bring emmense joy. That knowledge of subective psychopharmacology is what has driven my desire to learn organic chemistry for the past years.

The concern I have for crystal methedrine is that it produces an unhealthy state of being. Cannabis does not... I can still feel love, sadness, anger and depression all at the proper times and I can still process these distracting emotions in a positive, constructive way. Methedrine makes you feel only one way... euphoric, energetic, manic, followed by the easily forgotten depression, lethargy, etc, etc. It is as predictable and destructive as alcohol.

Developing a meditation practice as well as becoming athletic has helped me in dealing with dangerous addictions. It has become much more fun releasing adrenaline by throwing Russian kettlebells (http://www.dragondoor.com/p10.html) around than through stimulants. I'm sure the Russian bees here have heard of "girevoy" sport. I seriously recommend these as a way to deal with overcoming addictions. Years ago, I would have jumped at the aforementioned synthetic opportunity without even thinking.

Staying healthy is first and foremost on the checklist of requirements for chemical mind-space exploration. Once you have a stronger center, it becomes easier to identify which drugs take you away from that center just by doing them. It gives you more control in some of the more mentally challenging experiments you might take on.