"can't wait to crack that p-chloro nut."
You are not going to like the nutcracker!
That tert butyl lithium route would be a very unconventional way to approach the dehalogenation, conventional methods would have you use something along the lines of
Tributyltin Hydride with
azobisisobutyronitrile as a catalyst for nearly quantitative yields.
Total Synthesis of Indoles from Tricholoma Species via Bartoli/Heteroaryl Radical MethodologiesA. Dobbs, J. Org. Chem., 2001, 66, 638-641.
DOI: 10.1021/jo0057396
Other methods(catalytic hydrogenation) selectively removing the halogen from chloroarenes generally uses more exotic catalysts than those, ie;
Dehalogenation of polychloroarenes with sodium formate in propan-2-ol catalyzed by RhCl(PPh3)3http://www.rsc.org/delivery/_ArticleLinking/DisplayArticleForFree.cfm?doi=b102191p&JournalCode=NJCross-Coupling and Dehalogenation Reactions Catalyzed by (N-Heterocyclic carbene)Pd(allyl)Cl ComplexesOscar Navarro, Harneet Kaur, Parisa Mahjoor and Steven P. Nolan*

O. Navarro, H. Kaur, P. Mahjoor, S. P. Nolan, J. Org. Chem., 2004, 69, 3173-3180.
DOI: 10.1021/jo035834p
Hydrogenation and Dehalogenation under Aqueous Conditions with an Amphiphilic-Polymer-Supported Nanopalladium CatalystRyu Nakao, Hakjune Rhee and Yasuhiro Uozumi*
http://www.hrhee-hanyang.net/board_file_img/Org.Lett.%202005,%207,%20163-165.pdfThere are many more floating around, Nickel(0)/Imidazolium Chloride Catalyzed Reduction of Aryl Halides and so on....
In the literature I have seen, there are no methods for dehalogenation using lithium, sodium or potassium metals unless using tert butanol to dissolve lithium or sodium in, to prepare the corresponding metal alkoxide (for example Sodium-tert-Butoxide) as done in the third paper referenced. I am sure if they could have they would have just dumped some butyl lithium in and been done with it, but as you can see very specific (but not impossible to get) catalysts are required to specifically remove the halogen and leave an aromatic ring with all other functional groups intact. There are many palladium type catalysts that are suitable I am sure a palladium chloride on alumina type of paper could be dug up, palladium chloride is very get-able!
edit;"which leads one to conclude perhaps such an animal does'nt exist?"
You want aromatic lithium compounds!
http://www.springerlink.com/content/v401204385567525/They do exist, and for the record just because it is unconventional does not mean it will not work!
Conjugate addition of lithium ester enolates to 1-chlorovinyl p-tolyl sulfoxides: a novel synthesis of functionalized esters and lactones having a tertiary or a quaternary carbon at the ?-positionhttp://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6THR-48N3HSM-C&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&_docanchor=&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=d9d497da0adf06a1f316bd8bcb9b617aStructure and Reactivity of Lithium Enolates. From Pinacolone to
Selective C-Alkylations of Peptides. Difficulties and Opportunities
Afforded by Complex Structureshttp://infosee.ethz.ch/seebach/PULI/386_ACI_1988.pdf